How to Inspire Admiration

Reminder: Tongue-in-cheek people! Tongue-in-cheek! I have done some of this stuff myself!

How to Inspire Admiration

Do you love those really cool people with their bed-head hair (that took an hour of “styling”), their torn jeans (do not be fooled—they spent $80 on those) and their plastic/silicon anatomy? So do I! So much does my admiration burn for them that I felt compelled to enlighten the world on how to be just like these awe-inspiring people! That way, no matter how dumb we are, at least we will look stylish with the latest trends.

First and foremost, you must set the stage for your audience. Constantly thinking of life as a theater with you on center stage shining in the limelight is a key factor. To begin, you must boldly proclaim your magnificence (using grandiose words works excellently). Declare to the world that you are the coolest or smartest person ever to walk the earth. Even better, claim both super-coolness and hyper-intelligence! The more you build yourself up, the more impressive you will be. Now, you are heading in the right direction!

Besides making your vocabulary spectacular, you also need to perfect your image. Sounding amazing is not everything. You must ooze ultra-awesomeness from your very pores. Take your walk, for example. It is not simply a walk. Stride quickly for an air of power or saunter slowly for an aura of coolness. Either way works; done well enough (exaggerated enough) this will make everyone around you roll their eyes. This is good. It means they are jealous.

Another important part of perfecting your image is what you wear. It is imperative that you buy only expensive-looking clothes. Make sure they are the latest styles! Such a faux pas of wearing yesterday’s styles is simply inexcusable. If you are looking to go for the gold, I recommend wearing loud clothing—bright and sparkly attire is great. I especially like the kind of sparkles that rub off and promise to enliven everything—and everyone—around you. Your fellow acquaintances will deeply appreciate it!

To add to your ravishing garments, do not forget to accessorize. Too much jewelry (the more it clangs the better!), too much makeup, and too much perfume will work splendidly for you. I also recommend getting a purse that is so big it will make potential muggers freeze in horror and wipe out anyone else who makes the mistake of coming too close to your mighty awesomeness. Purses too small to fit your blinding lipstick are not acceptable. It is time to upgrade—and remember, nothing less than the cost of your monthly mortgage payment.

You will need that gargantuan purse to fit all of your extra makeup and accessories. This includes hair styling tools as well. Like clothing, the brighter and more sparkly your hair is the better. For an added dash of drama, try dying it a fresh color such as neon green or Shock Me Pink. I will not go into the many different hairstyles out there, but if it looks like you just rolled out of bed or had your hair cut by a blind barber, fantastic! This is sure to make a bold statement about you.

Now you have the basics for what it takes to be just like all those cool people and make everyone else want to be just like you. Remember that life is an act and you are Prima Donna (the leading lady). Act cool. Sound cool. Look cool. Be extravagant in every way and every day. Do not simply let the world know how amazing you are. Boldly declare it in your every word and action! Your awesomeness must seep into air around you like a cloud of pungent perfume. Only then can you gain the admiration you so richly deserve!

My Rant Against Dodgeball: A Child's Traumatic Tale

Preface: You do know I never take myself seriously and rarely remove my tongue from my cheek, right? Good. You are permitted to proceed...

Dodgeball: A Game of Violence and Alliance

I remember playing dodgeball quite a bit in school during the elementary and junior high years. Most of us kids were not big fans. The only kids who really liked it were the ones who let their aggression run wild and made the game unpleasant for the rest of us. They were the ones who creamed us with the ball. They forced us to become creative in protecting ourselves. In this way, the game dodgeball is a lot like guerrilla warfare—kid-style. The equipment is basic; rules are simple and lead to one goal; the people are generally unorganized.

The only actual equipment you need to participate in the melee is several balls. A swarm of people and lots of space make up the rest of what you need. Usually, red rubber balls are used, but any of the soft types of balls, such as volleyballs, can be used. Do not use basketballs unless you are looking to ruthlessly take down an enemy. It is preferable to have more people than balls. That way there are more people running than chasing. It is the balls that make the game what it is. Otherwise, it would merely be one of the various forms of tag. It is best to play with a large group of people and it is imperative that everyone has plenty of room. Trampling is fairly common in this merciless game. If the players do not have enough room, the trampling becomes frequent. Also, there needs to be a border around the main area separating the game area from the out-of-bounds space. I will call this space the sidelines.

The goal of the game is to be the last person hit by a ball. The balls are thrown into the group randomly and all at once. The aggressive players rush for a ball; everyone else runs for dear life. The balls can only be thrown and, usually, it is considered foul if someone hits another player above the shoulders. Nevertheless, I am telling you there are some vicious kids out there who are out to kill. Once you are hit, you leave the game area to go stand on the sidelines. The sidelines area is not necessarily your last destination. Someone in the sidelines can get back in the game if they hit someone in the game area. The catch is that people in the sidelines must stay in the sidelines until they can accomplish this. They must rely on a ball rolling out of the game area and into the sidelines. Only then can they run after the ball, wrestle someone else for it, and throw it at a target in the game area. Then, the player hit trades places with the player in the sidelines. Without this goal and these rules, the game would devolve into bloodbath or mutate into another game such as kickball.

Oftentimes, this game produces a number of alliances among the players. As I mentioned before, most of the people with whom I played did not like the game much. These people would agree to hit each other with the ball thus ensuring that they could both avoid getting slammed by a ball from one of the aggressive players and they could retreat to the relative safety of the sidelines. Of course, even the sidelines are not safe. Just because someone is not aiming at you does not mean that you will not get hit. Also, some of those aggressive players will end up in the sidelines. If a ball rolls off the game area, these aggressive players will pull, shove, and wrestle any unfortunate players who get between them and that ball. I warned you. They are vicious. These alliances give some humanity to the otherwise brutal game. If not for them, it would truly be every man for himself.

No, I am not a big fan of dodgeball. I must have had a giant, red target painted on my head during those school years. I did whatever I could to get out of playing the game and thus save myself some brain damage. I was one of the people who started the alliances (at my school). Of course, once on the sidelines, we gentler players usually singled out the aggressive ones as targets. As they say, revenge is sweet…and dodgeball brings out the worst in people.

Ironically, I was going to write this week's paper on how removing "harmful" games from the playgrounds creates wimpy children. I think I'll save that for my argument/persuasion paper. :-D

Stay tuned for How Win Admiration!

Mm...comfort food

I am so tired. For various reasons, I deprived myself of sleep this week. Today, being tired and moody, I came home, ate cheese sandwiches, ice cream, napped, watched some Foamy the Squirrel on YouTube (on my awesome enV Touch--shameless plug...Now where's my money?!), had some ginger cookies and milk, kept watching Foamy...

I think I had watched all the Foamy episodes available on YouTube. I don't know whether to brag or cringe in shame. Um...hold on...I'll just go eat more ice cream. Kidding! The Prince would be horrified that I'm eating this way. I'll just have a spiced apple cider...mmm...and maybe even a real apple! Hehe!

I got last week's paper back. Despite the fact that I didn't work on it much (sacrificing English that week to study fiercely for my math exam), I got an A! I had a talk with my English teacher today. She told me I worry too much. Yeah, I do. It's a curse of high intelligence I think. Of being female, too. Where's that apple? I need something sweet!

Why is it as soon as mid-terms are over, people start talking about finals? $%$#%# Can't I have one stress-free week? I guess that's just too much to ask.

Moodiness in my head

The age of innocence is gone. I embrace my womanhood with eager arms. Yet when things go wrong, I yearn to hide beneath my security blanket. Alas! it is no more! I am left exposed. Not bearing an open wound but being the open wound.

Eh, I'm in a weird mood. I wish I could work on LR2 but...homework calls. I'll try to tweet something funny today in honor of Hump Day.

Diamond's aren't my best friend.

Seriously. Why does everyone have to get a diamond for their wedding ring? I realize they're expensive but geez. What about opal, topaz, peridot, tiger's eye? Diamonds are boring, people. Have some originality!

The Joys of Mid-terms

Last week was a nightmare. I was sleep-deprived and fighting some horrible autumn illness. I also had a French exam, Math quiz, and Math exam. Thankfully, the math exam was moved to today. I think I did well on it...I better have done well on. Since English has been going swimmingly, I decided to sacrifice my time spent doing English and study for my math exam instead because my math grades aren't doing too great. One mediocre English paper won't hurt, but a bad grade on that math exam could ruin me. RUIN ME!!!

Anyway, I had a nice weekend recuperating and yet still studying furiously. If it weren't for the Prince reminding me not to overstress, I'd probably have an ulcer by now. Imah thinks I've got the junior high problem back because I've been having a lot of stomach issues lately. In junior high I would get so nervous (due to the common practice of making students go up in front of the class and speak) and stressed out (because I'm slow, etc.) that I would literally get sick to my stomach. My poor cantankerous tummy has never been the same. I can't help it. I'm high-strung. I stress over stuff. It's what I do. And I do it well. Too well apparently. :-P

*sigh* For now, I'm just going to gloat. I made it through mid-terms alive--and I didn't get sick. Booyah.

Oh, I am thinking about posting a couple of my English papers to my blog. This is for entertainment purposes only! I wrote them very much tongue-in-cheek. If you want to read them, I'll post them this weekend!

Actually...

Oh wow. There was a little misconception in my last blog post. Apparently, the Prince really was back--a whole month earlier than I expected!! I've seen him every weekend but one since his return.

I don't remember what all else I was going to write here so...I'll continue in my next post. :-D